Turning 25

Happy Birthday to Me!

On December 14, 2009, I will reach a quarter-century in age.

I'm a college graduate, turning 25, living in a cabin in the woods, barely making my loan payments each month, with no phone reception unless I drive fifteen miles into an open field and park just-so in between two trees ... and I couldn't be happier.

A lot of my friends I've spoken with lately are struggling with ideas like FINANCIAL STABILITY, getting A REAL JOB, affording HEALTH INSURANCE, finding a way to USE THEIR DEGREE, trying to MAINTAIN FREEDOM, figuring out what kind of LIFESTYLE they want to live ... some of my girlfriends approaching their thirties are beginning to freak out because they haven't found A GOOD MAN and they feel they are running out of time because they need to START HAVING BABIES (yikes!)! This is certainly the time to do this type of deliberating.

Fortunately, I feel that I'm in a secure, supported place as I break into my quarter century of life. From what I can gather through various experiences, think I've figured out some general guidelines for myself regarding how to be--and stay--fulfilled.

1. KNOW YOUR PASSION
This is not an easy thing to do. Sometimes it takes therapy. Sometimes it takes quitting a job that I'm very, very comfortable with, sometimes it takes trying something new, sometimes it takes teaching something I know to somebody else. It takes meditation and journaling and inner digging, searching and searching and feeling utterly lost sometimes. Persistence, never giving up until I find what it is that fulfills me.

2. DO YOUR PASSION, EVERYDAY, NO MATTER WHAT
No excuses. Find a way to do it. Wake up a bit earlier. Get a job that incorporates it. If it's still impossible, I imagine myself doing my passion so that I am spending energy making it real.

I spent four years at a writing school because I knew Writing was my passion. Sitting behind a computer obsessively and spending so much time in my mind and not in my body drove me to another passion: Yoga. That still took place (mostly) indoors, and I still wasn't fulfilled until I moved outside and found Horses again. It took years for me to realize my passions, but once found, things have been unfolding for me in amazing ways.

3. RECOGNIZE THE POWER OF INTENTION, AND USE IT!
When I was very depressed, about this time last year, my therapist told me to write--in as much detail as possible--a description of my ideal life. She said, "Describe where you're living, who your friends are, even a description of what your ideal man is like." I read over that journal entry the other day, and was amazed at what I found there: I had written that I was living in a place very close to nature, I was riding horses every day, I was surrounded by friends who loved and supported me, I was working at a job in the outdoors, I'd met a very athletic, attractive, outdoorsy-adventure-loving guy who was taller than me, very fit but not too muscley, had big lips and a short beard (yes, I went into that much detail). And I dated that guy last Spring. For those of you who don't know, that was my life over the past three seasons.

Every few months, I return to this useful exercise: I write down the details of my ideal life. It changes about that often, so it's useful to do this frequently. Then, for about a week (or however long I feel I need to), I read that journal entry first thing when I wake up in the morning. And then it comes true!

4. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY/MIND
Here's a cultural strangeness: many people I know feel that they need to put others' needs before their own,-- the expense of their own needs. Especially women. While outwardly this may seem like a selfless, positive quality, it's really self-sabotage. The only way we can serve the world (our family, our friends, the community) is if we are secure and actualized in ourselves first. Then we will be equipped to help others in the best way possible.

Putting others' needs before one's own is often a convenient excuse to avoid self-study: "Oh, I don't have time to exercise or meditate; I have kids/dogs/a husband/school/friends who need me/fill-in-the-blank." Gandhi says "As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world--that is the myth of the atomic age--as in being able to remake ourselves." I like this idea.

5. OFFER YOUR GIFTS TO THE WORLD
Once I feel that I'm living as my true self, it becomes easier and hugely fulfilling to give to others. I'm aligned for it; I have energy and it becomes a joyful process. Whether that's teaching kiddos to ride horses for the first time, teaching someone how to listen to their breath, or just being there to listen to a friend. It comes easily and naturally, and fulfills me in a bigger way than anything else.


It seems to me that these guidelines apply to people at any stage in life. Passions change--that's important to remember. So someday, perhaps, my passion will shift toward making babies (as of now, I highly doubt it, but I'm open to it), and then I will align my life accordingly. It's when we don't live by our heart's innermost desires that we become unhappy, full of anxiety, and depressed.

So as I turn 25, it is my hope that you, me, and everyone we know, make the decision to live by our heart's desires, to find our passions, and to realize them each day. Happy quarter-century.