The Year in Review

Looking back at 2008 I am flabbergasted that I made it through. College graduation, a breakup, Reiki attunement, moving home, a yoga retreat, my first real "adult" months, financial woes, my personal yoga practice, depression and anxiety … last year was probably the most tumultuous, most roller coaster-esque year of my life thus far. Now, in the first year of January 2009, I feel victorious, like I’ve climbed Pike’s Peak (which I have never done but certainly will do in 2009) and have reached the top!

I finished my final semester of college at Columbia in Chicago, graduating with honors and a Bachelor’s of Fine Arts Degree in Fiction Writing. It’s funny that my major says Fiction when my real specialty and preference is writing nonfiction. I stayed a whole additional year in school to add that extra word “Bachelor of Fine Arts” to the title on my degree. If I’m being honest with myself, I know my decision to go into student loan debt was truly because I wasn’t quite ready to face the “real” world after four years of college.

Turns out, I wasn’t quite ready to face the “real” world after five years, either. I got a post-graduation job at a local, independent bookstore called The Book Cellar (which I ADORE with all my heart!) in May. The plan was to work as a freelance writer on the side and sell books for forty hours a week while I built my portfolio and became a famous, well-known writer. I was still living in Chicago in an apartment with my roommate, riding my bike to and from the Book Cellar every day, enjoying days sunning at the lakefront beach, going on adventures to new restaurants with friends, and avoiding the pursuit of freelance writing work when I learned from my school that I, in fact, still owed Columbia a huge chunk of money and was being reported to a collections agency. Yikes! After much stress, worry, and taking on yet another student loan, I re-worked my finances and did what I swore I’d never do again: I moved home.

Back to Aurora with Mom and Dad (Lexi swapped places with me—she is currently in her first year as a Political Science major at UIC. Katie is finishing her Equestrian Business degree in Kentucky.). I was determined to make this into an opportunity rather than a burden: I’d have time to search for jobs, time to really take my yoga practice seriously (I’d planned to become yoga teacher certified starting in the fall but that fell through when my finances couldn’t support me), the chance to build up my savings and start repaying my loans, time to write bunches of articles, and the chance investigate what I really wanted to do with my life.

That became a really big problem: what to do with my life? I started to realize that I didn’t fancy a fulltime writing job. I got stir crazy and thought about teaching English in Korea like my good friend Kim Craig had, or going into the Peace Corps. The wide-open world of possibilities paralyzed (and depressed) me for quite awhile.

Until I went on vacation in Colorado with my parents and we visited Sanborn Western Camps. I’d been toying with the idea of becoming a horse camp counselor since I’d learned about the job, and I’d been dreaming about moving “Out West” ever since I did my AmeriCorps summer in the Lake Tahoe Basin. Visiting the facility, I suddenly saw with crystal clarity what I wanted to do with my life. Or at least what direction I wanted to go in: I had to go West.

The idea of teaching kids about horseback riding, natural history, hiking, mountain climbing, rafting, kayaking, swimming, crafting ... the idea of living in the out-of-doors on a 3,000 acre facility with unlimited possibilities for wilderness adventure ... sounds perfect!

As soon as I made the decision to GO FOR IT (which was really difficult, as I had so many negative ideas like "what did you get a writing degree for if you're not going to be a writer?" and "that's not a REAL job"), I felt hundreds of pounds lighter. I was genuinely happy, a sensation I hadn't felt in longer than I could remember. It was as though my actions came in line with my desires, finally.

It feels like a Great Return. Returning to the West, returning to a simple, rustic lifestyle, returning to nature, to horses, to my true Self, to what I call "the Natural State of Existence." I am SO joyful and motivated and happy--so far from where I had been before. Trusting myself and following my gut, I embark into 2009 with an attitude of possibility and excitement.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!